Died in transgressions and sins
Suppress the Truth
I was born in a small village in Hebei province of China in 1981. It is well known that China is a country of atheism and there is no freedom to choose your education. So, from the beginning I was inculcated the following concepts:
1/human and monkey had same ancestor;
2/ communist society was the highest social formation;
3/ our country was the best and western people were under oppression.
4/ Science and religion were contradicted to each other.
5/ Religions were superstition.
6/ Evolution was science and truth, which means life came from inorganic materials.
Although my Grandpa and Grandma were Catholics, they never mentioned Bible to me. Therefore, under this background of education, I became an atheist naturally, without thinking or understanding what evolution really was. So, I believed the religions were created by men because of ignorance, and they were tools used by rulers to control their people. I denied anything supernatural, and believed human being came from ape or some animals like that. Actually, I didn’t care what the truth was, all I did was for my own happiness.
External self-righteousness, internal darkness and impurity
From appearance, I was a so-call good man, studying hard and having good grade, being kind to everybody I know, never cheating on exams. And I had compassion for the poor, even decided to go to the remote mountainous area as a teacher after graduate. But deep in my heart, I often had a sense of vanity. There was once a time when my roommates were outside on vacation, I stayed at the dorm for a whole week without going anywhere and I had a big cry without reason, maybe I felt meaningless of my life. So, I was fascinated by movies, because I could escape the reality in the fiction. At the same time, I was bond by masturbation and I felt myself inferior and ashamed, though nobody knew about it.
He made me alive
From 2004-2007, I studied at university to get my master degree on the area of animal medicine. In 2005, I went to Guangzhou to do research to accomplish my thesis. I met a Christian who was very nice to me, he helped me a lot on the research and we became good friends. He shared a booklet to me, which later I knew was the four spiritual laws. He told me who Jesus was, and what he did, and asked me to pray to receive Jesus as my savior and my master. But I didn’t accept this invitation, after all I was a reasonable man and moral man, I did not need a savior, and I believe there was no creator objectively. After a few days, he gave me a book written by a Chinese scientist who once studied in US. Just like me, the author once was an atheist, but during the period staying in US, he became a godly Christian. Two facts he mentioned draw me great attention: first, many scientists who got Nobel prize believe in God. Were they mad or unreasonable? Second, the universe and life are so complicated and accurate, do they really come from a big bang? I humbled myself and did some research on this area, and I found out that the evolution theory was untrustworthy. My worldview was corrupted. It was a painful process. I felt cheated by the society, by the government. I needed to rebuild my worldview and find the meaning of life. Many religions had their own ideas, but what was the truth? Where were we come from? Where were we going? With these questions, I read lots of books, including the Bible. It took a long time. Finally, I learnt that Christianity was a reasonable religion, so on March 11, 2006, I told my Christian friend I would like to be a Christian. Then he let me pray and joined in a Christian fellowship, even though I didn’t know God personally.
Know Him personally
One evening I was reading Bible in my dormitory alone. It was extremely quiet. I didn’t know where I was reading. Some pictures appeared in my head, they were something shameful I did. Then a voice came into my mind, “I come to save sinners, not the righteous. Are you a sinner?” I couldn’t hold back my tears and cried out “I am a sinner, I need you, o my Lord!” I confessed my sins, and great joy was in my heart. I knew this was not a religion or something came from human brain. It was truth! God is a living God, Jesus is alive!
From then on, I was eager to read Bible and share God’s truth with my families and my classmates, and had a great compassion for the people who lived in lies and pursued worthless things. Before I know Jesus, I used to replace other to enter the exam several times. I could get reward from this kind of thing, such as close friendship, respect, why not do this? After I knew Jesus, I confessed my sin for cheat. When another friend asked me to help him on the exam by cheating, I said to him I became a Christian and my Lord dislike to do this. I knew this courage come from God because I never refused to help others before. Gradually, I knew God liked us to live a holy life, masturbation was wrong, so I ask God to help to quit it. It was a fierce battle. Now I conquer it. But I know the importance of self-control and being alert, because it is a life-long war to sanctification.
In 2007, I returned to my university, and found a student fellowship on our campus. There were more than 40 thousand students and only less than 40 were Christians, and my spirit was full of sorrow. We needed to spread the truth, when then know that evolution wasn’t fact and when they heard the word of God, they would return. I designed an exhibition of Christianity Culture on the campus, and many students read the word of God and some of them wrote down the verses of the Bible on their notebook, but on the third day, our publicity boards were confiscated by the university, but our heart were full of joy.
At that time, every time I read the Bible, I found that to be a true disciple of Jesus means to give up pursuing secular aims and live for him only and follow him. Salvation itself costs us nothing, but to be a disciple will cost us everything (Now I understand I didn’t pay anything, all come from him. It is his love motivate me to keep going). There was no other way. I had to make a decision. But how could I serve Him, because talking was hard for me. I was an introvert and a shy person. When I was a little boy, I would cry when I met a stranger. One date of 2007, when I read the bible, I was encouraged by a verse, “For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have” (1Crothins8:12). So, I gave my life to Jesus.
After achieved my Master Degree of Agriculture, I accepted a half-year training on disciple-making and Bible-interpreting, then be sent to plant a church near a university in Nanning.
Introspect and Application
Seven years pasted, about 20 people were baptized there are less than twenty people getting together on Sunday in the church. I did personal evangelism, I made disciples, and lead them to have MT in Thailand several times, but I didn’t satisfy, and I felt a great need for further equipment, for I really don’t know how to shepherd a church, and even more I don’t know what a healthy church looks like, because I didn’t grow up in a church. My organization which sent me does have a passion for Great mission, but I don’t think it has a healthy view of church, and maybe have a tendency of pragmatism which is popular in today’s mission, but I think it is not biblical. But I think the church is the central of all ministries, true discipleship happens in church and daily life only, not through teaching materials. So, I decided to leave the team, and to prepare to study in seminary. China is a huge field, my burden is church planting and shepherding church in China, another burden God give to me and my wife is the education of the next generation in the church.